Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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