i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
