My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
