Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
