I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
