i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish there were birth control emojis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
