after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
