If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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