I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
