I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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