Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
