you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
