The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
