There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
