what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
