the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
