So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
