just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
