I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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