WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
