Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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