this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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