So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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