Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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