Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
