Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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