Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
