I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
