Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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