just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize