I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
