Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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