He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
