Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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