Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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