I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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