His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
