We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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