thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
