Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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