Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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