i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
