I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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