Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
