I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
