I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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