grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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