Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize