I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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