my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
