Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
