That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have post one night stand depression
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