This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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