You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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