i just had sex bonerless
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want to fling myself into the sun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
