I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
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Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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