I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
