I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
