im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
