weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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