Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
