i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
