Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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