so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
