apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
