dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have already put on my inside pants.
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