A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
