Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As shirtless as possible
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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