dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
