I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
well you can't waste a boner
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
