so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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