oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
