Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize