I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
