I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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