What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My pussy is not your playground.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
