I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
