she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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