I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drake has all the answers
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
