I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
