You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
