You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
