My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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