Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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