woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
