do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
