Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry about my life...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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