wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
