It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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