That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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