I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
only you would photoshop your dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
